First of all thank you so much for the kind comments on the blog post about Cato. It was very comforting to read them. Sadly the day after that post Cato was still hardly able to move, which was heartbreaking to see.
Cato has always been a very active cat, living by a strict schedule. She decided when it was play-time, when we should sit on the couch together and even when it was time for bed. She would jump in the basket on my desk at around 23.00 which was our key sign to go upstairs. Because we both work from home Cato was a large part of our lives.
When she gradually became more dependent the last weeks, it was hard for both her and for us. Near the end Cato was no longer living a cat-worthy existence. She couldn’t even walk anymore and showed no sings of improvement. Even though it was a difficult decision, we knew that the right thing to do was to let her go.
I had promised her we would not go to the vet anymore. So I asked the vet to come to our house instead. Before she arrived I gave Cato painkillers, Metin and I both cuddled her and said our goodbyes. She even managed to purrr a bit, which was comforting. She had not been able to do so during her last days. When the vet arrived, I placed Cato on her favorite blanket on the couch and we both stroked her. The procedure went very peaceful and it was literally like she fell asleep. For the first time in weeks she finally was able to relax her body.
It was the right thing to do, but it did take time for me to come to peace with it. We both miss Cato dearly. What helped a bit was talking to friends and her previous owner. I also made some pages in my bullet journal about Cato, with an in memoriam.
We both went through a fase of mourning. In my dreams it felt like I failed her. Even though during the day I knew we had done all we could to make her better. I think it was so frustrating not to know how to ‘fix’ her. Looking back it feels like she had reached the end of her life and the end was inevitable. Cats are very good at hiding pain and we have no idea if it was a process already taking place.
The last few weeks I was still not in balance. Very much unlike me I fell on the sidewalk, while hurrying to catch a train. The phone also greeted the stones, resulting in a broken front screen. I was more mad than sad, but maybe the breaking glass was a sign of good luck? The train conductor helped to treat my wounds, offering almost the whole First Aid kit (which can only be used once). When we arrived I managed to play Pokemon Go, because it was a special community day after all… Metin also helped greatly, he even washed my hair the next day. Back home I had the phone fixed and everything slowly seemed to return to normal.
My parents came over last Saturday, which was very nice. On Sunday we had my father in law over for lunch. He remarked dryly that he smelled something. Before I knew it our kitchen was filled with smoke, thanks to burning buns in the oven. I had put them in there. It was all too much and I broke down. Our neighbour came over and gently asked if I might be out of balance due to Cato’s dead. I had not thought about it, but I think she’s right. So much has happened these past years that this was the last straw. I think/hope it’s safe to say that I’m doing better now.
The neighbour told me to take a picture of the overheated buns. It worked; not too long after, we could laugh about the incident again. Humour is so powerful. Because our house smelled like smoke for days, I started blogging and photographing in the backyard. So you can expect new reviews and a giveaway very soon. Also I saw this butterfly in our yard, I hope it’s Cato way of saying goodbye <3